behind these hazel eyes :(

2007-06-20T11:40:00.000+08:00

At the end
Will you hold my hand, or
perhaps walk away?

Is it dark where i am going;
perpetual night?

A sojourn in Oblivion,
drunk on guilt and regret-
Her face haunts me, how could i have...?
Oh, teach me to forget.

Fear gouges me at night,
I wake up wet with Blood
Smearing my bone-face-
I've killed myself.

Half-shadow, I linger
Hovering between earth and sky
People shudder; I am hideous
But they forget i can still cry.

After i pass, will you keep me silent
HIDE all evidence deep in the dirt
Lie about me to your children
Protect them from
my shameful SECRET?

Oh, it is dark where i am going;
perpetual night...

In the end
Will i have a friend,
or will you walk away?

I LOVE FAMINE CAMP!!!
TOON's family was great company. LOVES LOVES!
i hope to meet up with them real soon.
30hours without food = death? nah.
glad i survived it and came for it.
lessons learnt= priceless.

now. back to reality. mug mug mug. this is the only way out. stagnant or move ahead. i picked the obvious.
study hard :)

2007-04-14T12:14:00.000+08:00

how would i put it in words....?
it's not resentment that fills me but the sense of hopelessness and a lost of direction.

"Maybe we should focus on those who have the ability to obtain good results for us than you guys who have hopeless!"

"Your lives are ruined."

What?!?! the world is so academic-based that the education system is set up only to filter out the best or the 'elites'? or maybe it's just in singapore.
whatever it is, sometimes when negative stereotypes about your abilities pour in, it totally diminishes one's performance. i believe that everyone requires this bit of motivation and self-esteem to succeed. if you're perceived as 'hopeless', definitely your ability shrinks. how would you venture out when your future is perceived as a gloomy route? sigh...

maybe it's time to block out such stereotypes of what people labelled you as and just prove them wrong.

Easier said than done.

2007-03-09T22:04:00.000+08:00

On the subject of transparency in our college's achievement level, i believe we have failed. It brought my thoughts back to secondary four when we learnt this particular chapter in SS, "what makes good governance in S'pore?" One particular point brought up is transparency.

I figured it is total crap! In the attempt to regulate up-to-date information to everyone, there will definitely be information disclosed from the general public. Is that transparency? Well I couldnt say so.

I begin to believe that speeches are made to impress. White lies are told to allow human beings who have the tendency to judge hastily, to be oblivious of reality. argh. in conclusion, the world is full of hypocrisy. yucks. Scary as it seems. but yes. welcome to the world.

:(

2007-03-09T19:45:00.000+08:00

I could be your favourite girl (forever),
Perfectly together...
Tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet?

<3>

2007-03-04T12:42:00.000+08:00

REASONS WHY MY BEST FRIEND IS NOT RIGHT (in her mind)

1.she talks to imaginary friend.

2. she is in love.. with this guy by the name of wu jun or something. love love love = obsession.

other reasons but lazy to type. for me to know and you to find out. COOL. i figure she gotta kill me after reading this entry. but i know you love me still as much. HOHO.

2007-02-15T20:37:00.000+08:00

Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die

Honestly what will become of me
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
We missed everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Travelling I always stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day until the feeling went away
And the clouds were dropping and the...
The rain forgot how to bring salvation
The dogs were whistling a new tune barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die

2007-02-04T20:49:00.000+08:00

why is it that God takes someone away from me each year? i've come to realise that life is brittle. something which i can never contemplate until well... yesterday? i've taken life for granted and when i lost someone, it shook me awake. haiz.

i dont know what i will do if i lose my grandma. i think it's gotta be hard for me to take it, judging that i am really really close to her and errr.. she means a lot to me. A LOT!

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say.....

2007-02-02T21:55:00.000+08:00

i am so gotta watch this show! rating's not very high but who cares. in the mood for some romantic films. plus louis koo is acting in it!! great great.

this is not me :(

what's wrong with the girl who's looking back at me.

i see the tears in her eyes, i feel the pain she felt.

oh this is definitely not who i used to be.

2007-01-25T19:57:00.000+08:00

It is great to do
That thing
That ends all other deeds,
Which shackles accident and bolts up change.

2007-01-13T18:40:00.000+08:00

i seriously hope that i will not make any rash decisions in this moment of difficulty. maybe it's true that it will take some failure to taste great success. but i did study hard for my chem but the results showed otherwise. :( -utter disappointment. organic chem has never been my liking. oh wells. i guess i gotta learn to deal with it.

i feel motivated to work hard. but where the hell do i start? so much catching up to do. so little time. maybe poly isn't all that bad. argh. i hope i didnt make the wrong choice to stay. let me take things in my stride.

i dont know what i am holding on to. but guide me through it all. PLS.
:(
life's so hard and i feel like giving it up. sobs. :(

2007-01-06T09:57:00.000+08:00

is it just me or it's happening to everyone too?
on the very first day of school, i can feel the stress, the tension this year encompasses. -total suffocation
i really really hope to get rid of the factors which will hold me back and sustain the drive to get myself a decent cert for A.

homework are amounting. eh. NO! if i have made an effort to do my hols assignment, i wouldnt be in this plight. -blame myself
sometimes it feels like the end of the world to me. but wells, like what VP said, "every new year brings new hope." hmm. i am hoping so.

for now, my mind is a blank. so i figure i will stop blogging alr. keep the drive and motivation to move along and not remain stagnant. -my resolution. :)

2007-01-01T18:47:00.000+08:00

last night was a wonderful night. i had a great time counting down with wy and juan. except for the squeezing through the crowd part. after the countdown,met with jw's friends. they are lovely people minus the smoking part. -yucks. guess what. i was so tired and zonked out when i reach home that i went to lala land right after my heavy head landed on the bed.

i hope to start the year right. stick closely to my resolutions. but on the other hand, i kinda regret the way i spent my holidays upon looking back at it. shit. homework not done. save me. i am such a lazy worm. there's this idiom or whatever you call it, 'a lazy mind is a devil's workshop'?? gosh. i am screwed. i slept my holidays away. i slept like 15hours a day?? i need to kick the habit. at the thought of it makes me sweat. good bye. let me get some work done. i feel SOOOO guilty.

2006-12-27T19:35:00.000+08:00

i totally despise people who put up with a facade of sheer innocence in all that they do.
i'm definitely hoping that it will dawn upon XXXX that there's NO instant panacea to life's problems.
AVOID IT, BE IT.
nothing but a man of cowardice. argh.
let you have a taste of your own medicine to understand why my blood runs with thick resentment.
if given a chance, i wouldnt forgo the thought of slapping YOU.
BIG FAT LIAR!
ahhhh..you destroyed EVERYTHING!!!

2006-12-27T17:44:00.000+08:00

Oh, well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,
and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:
"What a beautiful wedding! What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter.
"And yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a whore."

I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of...

Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne
Oh! Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, POUR THE CHAMPAGNE..

I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

Again...

I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

Again...

stupid sister screw her. i open up the bid once again.going once at twenty CENTS..
(*psst. gentle reminder. she is U-S-E-L-E-S-S.)
okay. instead of a higher bid. let me lower it to ten cents?
PLS consider. :)

2006-12-23T11:22:00.000+08:00

i love christmas!! i love christmas songs. i love presents! hoho. but most importantly, this is a time to really thank God for everything He blessed us with. i hope tomorrow will be a great night to countdown. *pls God no rain.

my all time fav christmas song by mariah carey- all i want for christmas! :)

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas
Is you...
.
.
.
.
All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!

HOHOHO.

2006-12-15T19:23:00.000+08:00

argh. i am in pure agony. pain in my stomach and a cough that tells me that i have a lot of phlegm but i cant seem to get them out. #$@%^@#@#$

i am disappointed. so many of them cant turn up tmr. ah wells. on a brighter note, at least i get to meet the rest of them? OH! i haven done my hw and i can feel the adrenaline rush now.wells.. my attention span is like 15mins MAX?? what the hell. i am condemned.

okay. i cant wait for christmas to come. then i can drink to my heart's content. party till dawn and hang out with my loves! i cant wait! new year. new resolution. i've to be sure to keep to it. it's gotta be a hectic year but one more year. just ONE more year and everything will be over. and i mean everything. :)

praying that God will guide me through it all and next year will be a MUCH better year. yup. bye for now. will blog again real soon.

2006-11-29T15:57:00.000+08:00

hoho. just got back from cricket chalet/camp? it wasnt as bad i thought it will be. it was fun actually. give thanks to wonderful chicken group consisting of wenyi, deborah, wanling, and siling. i love them! also, the exco... *clap clap* they really did a splendid job as a whole. THANK YOU!

first day was no good. i had period cramps and i swear it hurts big time. throw away my menstrual panadols and i may just drop dead. and i love bridge. super duper fun. we had outdoor cooking at the chalet ?!?! the hungry chickens ate and ate. i learnt some mind games too. cool. guess who i saw at the chalet? devotioneers!! sokying, adam and xingyue!!
i slept with wenyi. she slapped me and i slapped her while we were asleep. LoL.

next day, we woke up like 5am? to catch the rising sun which was obviously hiding behind the clouds. darn. but we had tele matches. fun fun cos chicken won almost all. HAHAHA.
skip skip skip.
BBQ was fun too. the first time i didnt eat a chicken during a BBQ. not because we dont have it but i was so afraid of consuming bloody ones. yucks. okay. i went up to the chalet.wanted to shower before coming down again to eat more. who knows. i fell asleep on the bed (after bathing)and i miss out the fun with my dear chickens!

owells. fun camp. OH OH! i was dressed up as a geisha and i look more like a samurai. LoL. BYE BYE. i need to dash!

-you drive me crazy missing you:)

2006-11-26T22:58:00.000+08:00

i am not old-fashioned. but i think fei yu qing has a nice voice.
he sang a song with jay chou. qian li zhi wai. nice eh! good bye. HOHO.

2006-11-25T20:27:00.000+08:00

in loving memory of dear rabbit

i am such a &%$@##*&@#&^. my father gave away dear rabbit yesterday and i only know of it today. bloody hell. why. why. why. argh. let me recall... i came home around 11pm yesterday. bathe then sleep and i wasnt even aware that it is gone. slap me!! sobs sobs..

good bye love. i hope you're happy where you are now :(

2006-11-17T00:18:00.000+08:00

-You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

why must it be me?

2006-11-16T10:56:00.000+08:00

I spent the past hour reminiscing about those good old days in korea with my cousins. boy. i love that place and it brought so many great memories. that was where i found my love, Shinhwa-the wonderful band. LoL. A picture speaks a thousand words. i let them do the talking.. :)

it was brrr..cold. but we enjoyed one another's company nevertheless. :)

place where i had my first taste of a roller coaster?? HAHA.

we were told to pick a stone and make a wish. then place it at this pile. i made mine. it came true but not now.

our tour guide??

some festival going on??

-it's great to be around wonderful people.

2006-11-12T20:52:00.000+08:00

it's awesome to wake up early in the morning feeling like oh-my-i-know-this-is-gotta-be-a great-day sort. rarely it comes to me judging that i am ever so pessimistic, sombre and always that snappy. maybe it's the joy da-5 (where's pat??) brought me. i love hanging out with all of them even though it's just a trip to vivo?? i had tons and tons of fun last night. we took pics and i shall and WILL upload soon yeah. it's the feeling of being able to let down your hair and just enjoy their company! WOOlala.

anw, today's a great day and i know tomorrow will be another great day :)
hmmm. my leg muscles are more toned after gym-ming. arms as flappy as usual. argh. -disgusted

okay. good night to all and enjoy the tranquil night :)

2006-11-11T10:41:00.000+08:00

sometimes when everything else falls apart, it just hits you that hey! friends are always there for you. so why fear? something eueu sent to me and i love her for being who she is. :)

Keep on smiling, my friend
Its hard to laugh when things go wrong,
its easy to lose heart, but if you can keep smiling,
it's certainly a start.
Happiness seems so far away
when days are long and sad,
but just as good times pass away so do all the bad.
Trouble always fades away
if you can grin and bear it.
But call me if it gets too much and i'll be there to share it.

2006-11-08T19:04:00.000+08:00

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world
:( screw my life. i hate it :(

2006-11-03T22:45:00.000+08:00

had my A lvl chinese today.
made an effort to not miss the bus at 6.33am. hah! record set! i reached school at 7.06am!! took time to meditate and calm my nervous soul. haha! but whatever it is, i cant help but feel a little adrenaline rush seeing everyone waiting outside the examination hall, all prepared! hmmm. i will be contented with a B for my chinese grade. what more can i expect when i screwed up my oral plus wo bu xi huan hua yu. LoL.

anw, i was feeling all uptight and anxious when i had to meet the DP. bad. my father started rattling on on how i couldnt handle stress in the right way. $#@!**^%
DP: then you might want to consider retaining? my biggest concern is that if you keep pushing yourself, you might head the wrong way.

okay. at the start of the conversation, she asked me about the core value of SA. dont ask me why but FITTSHIP came into my mind. see! i was and still am such a loyal phs kid. :) oh! anyway, she said perseverence. look it's in BOLD. at one time, she said persevere. the other time, she meant in another words, 'eh! you wanna give it up? it's perfectly okay if you want.' hahaha.okay. whatever it is. MUNLING! you gotta pull yourself outta this awful plight. work hard and envisage your wonderful life ahead when you become a CEO. HAHAHA. bye bye.

my system has activated and i need to s***. LoL. bleahs. :)

2006-10-26T22:27:00.000+08:00

the term has finally come to a closure today. indeed this year has gone by fast. the principal prepared us by saying, "let me tell you that J2 will be gone faster than you expect." ermm.. bad in a way. i kinda feel that it is way too soon for me to take A levels and i am turning older and older.... argh. the thought of all that makes me sick.

ah wells. it has been a long time since i last met weiliang and jiawei!! cant wait to have some fun with juan and all of them. it always feels right hanging around familiar faces and people whom you can really talk heart-to-heart to. :)
will post some of our happy moments tmr.

it will be a long break before the start of next year. i got a list of the things i wanna do. so so many stuff. but oh wells. i better make use of this hols to do come catching up too.

:( i feel so awful at the thought that there will be fewer people in s28 next year. some of whom are so dear to me. :( :( :( but no matter what, we can still meet up to catch up. :)

2006-10-23T21:30:00.000+08:00

went to jasmin's house today. goodness. i simply love her dog! despite those furious barking made by the dog when it's in a fit of anger, it's still kinda lovable yeah.
i MUST own a golden retriever when i get older. those thick, luxurious brown fur. gentle temperament. it will definitely make a good companion. :)

goldie.

husky. fufu's fav?

the dog which bite nigEEL. HAHA.

dont you think of getting one too? hmmm.

2006-10-13T22:01:00.000+08:00

Small town homecoming queen
She's the star in this scene
There's no way to deny she's lovely
Perfect skin
Perfect hair
Perfumed hearts everywhere
Tell myself that inside she's ugly
Maybe I'm just jealous
I can't help but hate her
Secretly I wonder if my boyfriend
wants to date her

She's the prom queen
I'm in the marching band
She's a cheerleader
I'm sittin in the stands
She gets the top bunk
I'm sleepin on the floor
She's Miss America
and I'm just the girl next door

Senior class president
She must be heaven sent
She was never the last one standing
A backseat debutant
Everything that you want
Never to harsh or too demanding
Maybe I'll admit it
I'm a little bitter
Everybody loves her
but I just wanna hit her

She's the prom queen
I'm in the marching band
She's a cheerleader
I'm sittin in the stands
She gets the top bunk
I'm sleepin on the floor
She's Miss America and
I'm just the girl next door
Oh... I'm just the girl next door

I don't know why
I'm feelin' sorry for myself
I spend all my time wishin'
that I was someone else

-----------------------------------------

that's what i am. fugly duckling. :(

2006-10-09T22:37:00.000+08:00

i know this sounds retarded. i just blogged and here i am once again. i think it's the period. or whatever the hell it is. i feel like tearing someone apart. shouting into someone's face. screaming at everyone. totally screwed up.

i cant understand why. half the time we spent searching for what we dont have in life.
i dont getit when we finally got what we wanted, we want more.
i'm so wrapped up in memories that im losing my life.
i hate people who are just into a fling. i seriously hope someday their world will just come crashing onto them. i wish they lose everything in life to make them realise how much hurt they are inflicting on the innocent.
it all narrows down to one species -man.
screw them.

*lets out a screammmmm.....

i feel good. sure do. :)

2006-10-09T21:40:00.000+08:00

it has been close to a month since i last blogged. wells.. life's pretty much the same i guess. time passed really fast huh. 2006 will soon be over. ah wells. i dont really mind. this year isnt a pleasant year anyways. i am glad i survived the months.

i think i am starting to love korean dramas. gosh. check this one out.

gosh. i am acting like some idiot but this guy (on the left. kim jeong hoon or something like that...)) is really *faints* hahah..korean guys are always the extreme. very handsome or look like some kinda desperate old blokes. huh.. a lovely romantic serial to spice up my so boring life. i am loving it!

2006-09-10T22:06:00.000+08:00

another evening of nostalgia.
the sudden feel of emptiness.

2006-08-31T19:27:00.000+08:00

in the past, i was living day by day as it passed. i dreaded school as much as i dreaded the fact that my life was in a mess. i abhorred the fact that i cant be everything that i wanted to be so much. i was never hesitant to find a reason to blame, or simply to find an answer to different situations. gosh.
i just wanna fix my life.

and know what. mr kwok's talk was so motivating and inspirational. say it crap. whatever. i think it got into me and just make me ponder over life. it shatters my heart when i am aware that everything's ever-changing. ever-lasting? i dont think so now. maybe we just cant take everything with us as we move ahead in life. life..is all about moving forward. we leave a bit of us behind everyday and i think this is so true. places trigger memories. scent of our loved ones left behind. how i want to bring everything with me as i advance in life. but somehow it slips away eventually. if you try to alter what destined to be.

wells. at least i am blessed to have people there for me always. there are different phases in life and they are there to make us grow and mature i guess. at the end, just learn to move along in life and happiness imparts to thee. haha..

2006-08-24T16:56:00.000+08:00

i aint in the mood to complete my chem though i am fully aware of the consequences for procrastinating..argh. so to kill the boredom, i did this personality test.

You Are An ENFJ

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

What's Your Personality Type?

ermm..i got nothing to say.

-those scornful remarks.
distasteful behaviour.
obnoxious character.
simply turn me off.
yucks.can i slap you!?!?!

2006-08-20T20:15:00.000+08:00

wanyee, me, lindy and our dear mr white!

got this picture from lindy's blog. aww.. i think i gotta cry soon. i miss them so so so much!! that wacko teacher of mine never fails to make us laugh with his funny antics. my dear sotong ball, though we see each another almost everyday, the feeling is all together different from what it was like in sec4. sigh. lastly, i miss fishball whinning and being just herself. :(

the crazy weiliang and teehao.

i really do love them a lot!

pretty ms chionh and the three of us!

the girls.

2006-08-20T10:49:00.000+08:00

i had an uber fun time rushing from one end of singapore to the other yesterday. carpenters' tools concert was commendable. it was clearly evitable that lots and lots of effort was put in. and oh gosh! Kyle had his hair styled in a really cool manner. i had a few snapshots of kyle but it wasnt really clear, judging from the distance and the darkness of the auditorium. oh. memories came pouring back in when i was at the auditorium. that was where i've gotten my NYAA award from! how i simply adore GB! never once fail to bring back great memories. sigh.
the ice cream is great. danish nougat taste better than thin mint though.

the gathering at ecp was kinda pathetic. sean, gary, keith, kevin, jq, wl and me went from devotion. argh. but i had a rather fun time just hanging around these familiar faces and catching up with dear clarissa. okays. i think i have a fetish to roller blade at night. the cool breeze and all that. i find solace being just by myself, blading far far away from the crowd. call me weird, i cant deny. LoL.

okays. i should get down to some serious homework. i cant wait for the horrible college life to end. FAST!

2006-08-14T21:58:00.000+08:00

aye aye. here i am wasting away my precious time. will when i come to understand the importance of time?? LOL

Life and time will not delay
Time is running fast away
Life is now, Today, Today
UP and ON!

*slap myself wide awake. i must wake up!! NOW!!! argh.

2006-08-13T21:16:00.000+08:00

i heard this like super old song when i was in the train today and it triggered off some memories.. i like this part.

I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
and you're talking to me one on one but you've become

Somebody else round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool you look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
And you fall and you crawl and you break
and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it

yes. it's getting complicated. owells..life's like this!

2006-08-12T00:07:00.000+08:00

HELLOS! it has been such an enjoyable day today (ermm...or issit yesterday??) and i am feeling head over heels that the weekends are here! hoho. i cant wait to catch the "central affairs". i ought to buy the DVDs man. yaY!

anyway, physics was alright IF i had put in the effort to study it and understand the concepts. i am totally disgusted at the thought that i take physics still. HAHA. considering the fact that i got like C5 for physics for Os. who in the right mind will be as stupid as me? gosh. kill me!

hmm..the shopping spree today sort of enlightened me. actually.. nice clothes need not carry a brand all the time. i've been so materialistic that i failed to see that cheap clothes can be a beauty too! heh heh. but nothing's gotta change my mind in the investment in the (i called it "jumper suit") i've seen in french connection. THAT! i am so gotta get it k.yaY!

it's weird that i am addicted to taiwan serials but the show "devil beside me' is really nice!!! and i am like 'awww.. so sweet!', 'aww.. when can it ever happen to me?' throughout the serial.LoL. why? why is there always a twist in fate and we never end up with who we want to be?argh. stupid show. i shall continue the next disc tomorrow.

-i think of you when i see the stars. do you?

2006-08-10T21:25:00.000+08:00

-you're no longer the guy i once adored.

2006-08-09T21:23:00.000+08:00

happy 41st birthday Singapore!!

-and i am proud to be a Singaporean!

2006-08-08T21:53:00.000+08:00

i aint in the mood to study for my physics. save me. seriously, i see no point in having a H1 subject when teachers have the 'cant-be-bothered' attitude for it. i dont have a single test for H1 so far, tutorials are spent copying the answers ONLY. i wonder if the teacher bothers whether we comprehend the content. argh. i regret taking physics...

on a brighter note, america's next top model will be back next week. gahh.. but i know who's the winner for this season anyway. okays. i miss kyle because she has a simply adorable look.

here's kyle!

i am so gotta change my blogskin to a simple and relatively plain layout. i am a boring person anyway.

got this from grey's anatomy. cool..

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side... is spectacular.

is that the case for every circumstances? i dont think so.

2006-08-06T22:02:00.000+08:00

argh. strangely as it seems, the cramp is returning. the pills dont seem to take effect. yes. it controls the watery stool but i feel so constipated after consuming it. dairy products gotta stay out of my diet for the time being. i am so gotta miss the-so-yummy milk. i just love milk! ironically, it doesnt have the "grow, grow, grow" effect on me. yeah.. i am never gotta reach 1.68m by the age of 20. sad!

tons and tons of fun awaiting. but guess i have to be reminded that promos are in about 40plus days??? i dont wanna be retain!!!

2006-08-03T14:44:00.000+08:00

YaY! cool. i found my favourite above favourites song finally. okay. i just love this song.

i am free from the routine, mundane school life for today. the same confession... i AM SICK OF SCHOOL!! i cant recall a day when i am filled with exuberance, anticipating the day ahead. i guess JC is a time when everyone leave their comfort zone and experience what's the great life ahead yeah? or maybe i am THE exception. i miss those times. . .kill me pls.

and what did i eat yesterday? the watery stool. this horrible pain. another reason to kill me. i cant stand it.

do you know that i am dying? yes.i cant breathe..
you extirpate all the hopes in me.
i am daunted by setbacks.
afraid to take the step.
KILL ME!!!

2006-07-23T20:49:00.000+08:00

i wish i can just drop dead now. shit. this feeling sucks. i cant stand it :( :( :(

2006-07-14T21:12:00.000+08:00

i just cut my hair! oh gosh! now it's extremely short. well.. actually i dont really care. duh. why bother? there's so much so much for me to do over the weekends. hopefully, i will not procrastinate and put off whatever that has to be done. i got a feeling next week is gotta be more hectic. ahhh...

anyway, i went to national library after the council investiture at SAC. the traditional christian school way when leaders are sort of recognised. it was quite fun and not that long as i thought it would be. okay. the national library is absolutely stunning. unlike the old national library, this new one is 11(or more) floor high. i remember how my parents used to bring me to the old national library like once every 2weeks. i think that's how i got my bookworm sticker in primary two. heh heh. i was among those who read the most books in a month. hmmm..then, i love those babysitters' club stories, bookworm friends, and goosebumps. HAHAHA! now? reading is such a chore. though i love reading storybook still, but oh gosh! i dont have the time!! with the disgusting and boring newsweek pouring into my mailbox every week. i dont even read them! no time!!

anyway, we got to use an equipment call a microfoam. i think. we used it to search for newspaper articles that date way back. they are kept in a film type and look something like those below...

okays. i am super tired! have a great weekend pals. byeeee!

2006-07-12T21:51:00.000+08:00

hellos! exams are finally over. to be exact, there's STILL H1 papers which are in August. great. that gives time for preparation. gotta be a hectic week with project work stuff to catch up on, wells.. that's life i guess!

anyway, this week's singapore idol widen my perspect of some contestants. i think on the whole, they did relatively well compared to the past weeks. eh.. that's gotta be the case right? haha. oh! so here's my favourite... cant specify that certain one since meryl has left :( so... these are among my favourites!

jasmine tye, our sweetie pie.

she's definitely the 'IT' girl. she got the brains(VJC), the girl-next door pretty face and an awesome voice. i think. :) but still, i prefer her outlook without the curls. :X

jonathan leong, mr super good vocal

he got a great voice! super good stuff. i melted the first time he sang. so MANLY man! wuahaha! i hope he makes it to top THREE!!

joakim gomez, jasmine's cute rival! HAHA!

one thing, he cant really compete in terms of vocal, but heys! he got the X-FACTOR man. his dance moves are totally groovy. i like him. :)

paul TWOhill, the guy who cant see his audience.

the superman song he sang, takes me over. he's one cool emo kid yeah. his eccentric persona stands out! i think people will imitate his 'cool' hairstyle if he wins this compeitition.

i got the pictures from singapore idol official website anyway. heh heh. i quoted it. no plagiarism. :)

2006-07-09T08:58:00.000+08:00

YAY!! i am soooo happy. i place a bet on my head. i didnt lose it. bleahs. germany won! though they are 3rd.. but they played well alright. (*psst* lindy's so gotta kill me. her fav team lost to mine :X)

heh heh heh. look at how Portugal's goal keeper Ricardo fails to save a ball shot by Germany's Bastian Schweinsteiger. HAHAHA!!

some recognition for scoring two stunning strikes :O

a moment of jubilant for germany. and there's my all-time favourite lukas!!

great sportmanship. genuine one i hope.

2006-07-08T23:28:00.000+08:00

i cant wait for exams to be over. totally dread maths. cant wait to be free from mugging, mugging and mugging. the feeling is gotta be so awesome. bleahs. a load off my chest.

anyway, the gathering was great great fun. it feels weird not having the whole class. but owells, some are better than nothing. i feel so alive with devotion around! the food was deliiiicioouus! thank you jac. :)
shall upload the picture real soon.
i feel so fat. okay. phyllis, wy, lindy and jo were on the subject of ermmm.."who's fatter?" okay. i said i am. they didnt believe me. they touch my fatty stomach and nearly screamed. I AM DETERMINED to lose some weight. arghhh... and i did like 150 sit ups since last night. i am doing more later. :( but the weird thing is, all the horrible fats are deposited in my stomach area. argh. this is kinda embarrassing. i am fat. :( :( :(

i am fat. i am ugly. i am stupid. i am useless. no wonder. . . . . . .
BYE BYE! i dont feel sad actually! HAHAH! i dont care! :)

I can tell that you don't know me anymore
It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
And being on this road is anything but sure
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you :(

2006-07-07T08:19:00.000+08:00

kill me. i totally screwed up my ecos. i have a bad feeling for GP and chinese. ahhh... my common test!!!

i haven started on a bit maths. later!! anyway, went to the library with jocelyn yesterday. we did like practically NOTHING! hoho. and she gave me a pleasant surprise. jac came too!! :) :) :)

after which, ermmm..?? went to meet lovely lindy. been weeks since i met her. cool.

i cant wait for tonight!! a mini gathering at jac's place. -bleahs

it will long gone... who knew?

2006-07-02T15:48:00.000+08:00

the horrible weather's making me mad.
studies are making me mad.
kill me. i am tired of living...

have i known that my phone is so problematic, i wouldnt get this one. arghh.. maybe i am just plain dumb with the functions and settings. simplicity is still the preferred choice.

seriously, i cant wait for GP, chem and ecos to be over. at least i can take a breather. ahh. there's a cliche saying "success comes with 10% intelligence and 90% dilligence." something like that if i got it wrong. anyway, i will never be a successful person because i got 0% intelligence plus maybe just a 20% of dilligence. HAHAHA.

i am looking forward to the gathering at jacq's place. shall upload some pictures till then. see ya!

I learnt never to let it go so far...

2006-06-29T16:26:00.000+08:00

is my life like a symphony? experiencing emotions which fate brought us to as we travel from childhood onward and the sound of the journey differs. sometimes it can really be comforting.sometimes it can be quite jarring.

i wish i can really appreciate the quiet gentle times to gain strength to face the rancour, worry, and pain with which we all must deal as we journey through the years.i believe those harsher notes will continue to reverberate on occasion but i guess sometimes we will need think of those gentle moments with which we have been blessed.

i read this from some where and i like it a lot.

it may seem at times that the upset or worry of life will never end but eventually even the troubled days reach their zenith and like the tide will ebb and flow to a soft quieter wave meeting the shoreline with a gentle touch caressing the senses with loving kindness.

in times of distress, i guess we gotta rely on God and allow Him to bring us over this period of time. yaY! God bless YOU!

YOU brought joy into my life! :)

2006-06-23T22:16:00.000+08:00

a bit update on my life so far.
i would consider this week more productive than the other weeks. i guess it must have been all the anxiousness and stress resulted from the constant reminders from my tutor. life revolves around books, books and books. what the. is my life really gotta be so dead? eek. no way.
seriously, i ponder over the thought of 'what am i studying for' more often than any other questions in life. am i studying merely for the fact to 'have a better education'?? ahh. sounds dumb when we could press on the fact that there are people who do not excel in academic form but are actually entrepreneurs, big businessmen. BUT... i assume that's the minority. running back to the point, we need to study hard. whatever it is for. IT'S FOR OUR OWN GOOD!! haha.

okay. i am kinda disturbed by the results for singapore idol. arghh. i place a bet with my dad that if meryl didnt get in, i will chop off my head. hahaha. typical me. and she didnt. kinda disapointed though. her vocal is truly great. she has a refreshing look. but i guess her popularity isnt that up to mark. owells... emilee actaully got in :( oh and there's some kind of mistake on the singapore idol website. mathilda got in but the 'IN' sign was placed on nurul's name instead.

meryl in the middle. and our very own saint loh wanhua on the left! hoho.

"things are new unavoidably because we've all grown up now. we dont reveal so much, we're not as open as we used to be. not that we dont want to, i would like to believe. but we dont automatically talk, we've lost that. now we wait for someone to start, and no one knows how to. so we just let it slip past. things have been different for some time, but i wonder if we've found a different way to view this change."
copied this from evangeline's blog. i like this. :)

2006-06-22T08:34:00.000+08:00

i am studying super slow for every subject. i just cant figure out why my level of concentration is so low. :( nothing's turning out the way i want. help me...

2006-06-20T20:26:00.000+08:00

some things i can never comtemplate.
the hearts of humans no one can ever fathom.
i thought i saw perfection glittering in my eyes
until i realised that under those veins, lies a treacherous heart.

i want to see the light amidst the darkness.
give me the reason to believe.
give me the hope to live.
give me the strength to carry on...

pick up what's left of me... wont you? :(

2006-06-15T21:45:00.000+08:00

cough cough cough. oh my lolly. lukas is soooo cute. gah gah gah. isnt he?? :) :) :)

aHAH! lukas PODLSKI and bastian schweinsteiger!!! yay!!

they love germany. dont you? well.. i do!!!

2006-06-15T21:03:00.000+08:00

A-lthough things are not prefect
B-ecause of trial or pain
C-ontinue in thanksgiving
D-o not begin to blame
E-ven when the times are hard
F-ierce winds are bound to blow
G-od is forever able
H-old on to what you know
I-magine life without His love
J-oy would cease to be
K-eep thanking Him for all the things
L-ove imparts to thee
M-ove out of 'Camp Complaining'
N-o weapon that is known
O-n earth can yield the power
P-raise can do alone
Q-uit looking at the future
R-edeem the time at hand
S-tart every day with worship
T-o 'thank' is a command
U-ntil we see Him coming
V-ictorious in the sky
W-e will run the race with gratitude
X-alting God most high
Y-es, there will be good times and yes some will be bad, but
Z-ion waits in glory. . . where none are ever sad!

Hmmm...I hang this beside my study desk. The words really comfort me during these times. Life’s journey is never gentle I guess. that's life!

Last night, wanyee and I were just talking about how wonderful it could be if we can only bottle up happy memories. Opening up the lids to revive those sweet reminiscences whenever we are down. Haha... if only...

How things so insignificant then can have such an impact on our memories. Sigh...

Sometimes I wonder if God will ever show us videos of our lives when we are in heaven. I don't mind...

If that really happens, I wanna watch my sec4 year again, and again and again. L I miss GB. I miss devotion. I miss phs ppl. I miss those times so much... Sigh...

2006-06-12T22:48:00.000+08:00

shit. i feel like crying. i totally dread AP, GP. my day was so productive man. i did only my revision on AP, GP and what the potato tomato shit. i dont understand still. SAVE ME!!! sobs sobs...

seriously, with my present study pace, give me a year, i doubt i can finish my revision. shitt... i am so scared. and what's the problem with me!?!?!? i am ALWAYS so sleepy. okays. this is wonderful munling's sleeping timetable. and i cant get out of this vicious cycle!!

12am-9am 9hours
11-1pm 2hours
2-4pm 2hours

TOTAL 13hours!!

MY GOSH! i am like a PIG! arghhhhh... what's going on with me??? i used to be able to do with just 6hours of sleep. now? oh no.... and i once was able to wake up at 3am to study. now? i cant... sobs... i miss the cool breeze in the early morning. i miss the sound of crickets or whatever insect that is(which makes the "cro..cro.." sound in the morning)

i set this resolution. i WILL NOT lay on my bed when it isnt my sleeping time. i WILL NOT allow my thoughts to wander to lalala land when im doing my revision. i WILL NOT waste unnecessary time to look at dumb things.

sigh... i hope i keep to it.

We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like we meant nothing at all.

2006-06-10T23:31:00.000+08:00

today is by far the most amusing day i ever had! let me reiterate my wonderful BBQ i had experience with devotion. my dad broke down in laughter when i told him too. HAHAHA. anyway, here goes...

we met at sembawang mrt station and the few of us (around 10 of us) carrying the food stuff made our way to sembawang park first, in the hope of being able to set the fire, bbq and stuff.

anyway, at the park, we walked to AND fro looking for our pit number as shown on the receipt. BYOP3.

okayys. i was searching high and low for our pit but there arent any indicating we were on the right track. as in they were all numbered.yes. but none of them had alphabets. then we decided to approach this rather friendly-looking malay family for direction. he obviously didnt know where BYOP3 is. so... he asked his (i think) mum. his mum came to me and i courteously asked again for BYOP3. and YOU KNOW WHAT IS HER REPLY???

"oh...BYOP is it?" *she pointed to the EMPTY plot of around 1m by 1m* and said, "there here! BRING YOUR OWN PIT."

i got the shock of my life la!! we spent 12bucks having the impression that we've gotten such a great deal. but... ahhhhhhhh.....no wonder it's like divide by two plus two the price of ecp's pit. what the hell. BYOP. it stands for Bring Your Own Pit. -_-"
yiyong didnt really believe the lady at first. he replied, "you joking issit?" LOL!

in the end, we bought those aluminium tray for BBQ. thank God... dorothy and the others were still at sembawang mrt station. that freaking place. no skates rental. no shops selling BBQ stuff. arghh... BUT i still enjoyed today a lot. gosh. like what i said, nothing beats having devotion around. :D

2006-06-09T18:55:00.000+08:00

today had been a busy busy day.
went for PW meeting and great! we CANT contact SMGS. wells.. we did all we could at present and hmmm... at least we accomplished a little. the survey questions were all done! :)

anyway, went for a little shopping spree at marina square with pilly and xy. hehe. i think i was the one shopping not them. hehe... i gotta save to buy that zara dress. lalala... what a beauty! and i think i gotta buy that top too. yay. oh. i think zara's apparel is much nicer than mango this season. warehouse's clothes are nice too.
lots to buy but little cash on hand. i gotta spend less on yummy food i guess.

okays. went to giant to buy the BBQ stuff and i had to bring home the smelly stingray. yucks. i think i gotta puke when i wash them later.
looking forward to tomorrow's gathering. i cant wait. though it's at sembawang park. so boring. but with devotion, life's gotta be so much fun. yay. that's all folks! see ya!

2006-06-08T11:59:00.000+08:00

life will never be like a fairytale.
reality speaks crueity...
gah... i wish my life is like them. i love belle and jasmine!!!

OoooOO... he's exactly one today :D :D :D

2006-06-05T21:20:00.000+08:00

those late nights spent
tossing and turning on my bed.
thinking about all the ways that i've grown.
felt like i lay shorn of something.
but i couldnt figure why.
i guess no amount of analgesic gotta help.
maybe the reason
lies in my reluctance to. . . . .
living in this world of illusion
far away from what reality speaks.
i need to be free of this confusion
all i need is to try to find some hope to hold onto...

2006-06-04T22:15:00.000+08:00

i am so glad that i FINALLY changed my blogskin.
yeah. no longer the dull, dumb blogskin. this skin is so me.
i love BROWN!! okays. missing out a few stuff but i gotta keep it simple.
so here it is... :)

2006-06-03T22:58:00.000+08:00

oh btw. da vinci code sucks big time. yucks~
SHE's THE MAN is THE SHOW~~

channing tatum...
channing tatum...
channing tatum...
channing tatum...
channing tatum...
channing tatum...
channing tatum...

2006-06-03T22:50:00.000+08:00

one week is gone!! my gosh!! okayys. i shall not procrastinate. if i fail this common test, there's gotta be a high probability that i will fail my overalls!! arghhh... work hard! get started! i am so not gotta fail k.

oh!! talking about the singapore idol. i seriously hope jonathan guy and that paul TWOhill get to the top five. they are among my favs! and one of them (shit. i cant remember who.) sang the song by three doors down. yOooOhOOoo.. here without you... what a nice song..

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that i saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And i don't think i can look at this the same
But all these miles that separate
Disappear now when i'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life was overrated
But i hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything i know,and anywhere i go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

2006-05-30T20:38:00.000+08:00

i know i am pms-ing.

i get so irritated with everything.
wasted a day.
spent so much time searching for the stupid blogskin but i cant find any.
arghh... i need you!! when are you coming back to singapore?? :(

i cant stand the way things are now.

you're driving me crazy...
yes. you ARE!!!

2006-05-28T21:53:00.000+08:00

oh gosh! i didnt know i have training tomorrow till juan told me this afternoon. i hate myself for not being able to follow the timetable that i've planned. i hate myself because i look totally like a mushroom now. whatever. but deep inside... i still love myself. LoL. =D =D =D

yoOhoO... went to my grandmother's place today. had tons and tons of fun with my cousins. i cant wait to watch movie with them. then we gotta take neoprints. and i cant imagine how all of us gotta cramp into the small space. but it's gotta be fun!! wEeEee. . .

awww.....it feels funny not to have my diary around. =( be honoured. i know you gotta read this after you come back from m'sia. LoL. sian. i think your grandma will definitely miss me for not phoning you these nights. SO FUNNY! =p

anyway, i cant wait to shop tomorrow!! weEeEee.. i need a hairband and those big earrings to accomodate this awful hairstyle.. LoL. gotta dash. BYE!!!

2006-05-27T22:41:00.000+08:00

there's "the ring" now. LoL. im so not gotta watch. i hate horror movies. but i am in the mood to scare myself. "The Omen" appeals to me but...i gotta chicken out. hahah..

i look like an idiot now.

with the short short hair.

on second thought, it's quite okay.

so i dont really mind.

but still...

i prefer my long hair.

:D :D :D

OHHH!! yOOhOOoo...say the name "CANNING TATUM" and i will seriously go crazy. i am so in love with him!!! LoL. he's so arghhhhhh.....MY GOSH!! i cant deny i like chic flicks. i do! LoL. anyway, "She's The Man" is super duper nice!

OH.. here's the intro part... it's based on 12th night. as in the characters and stuff.

Everybody has a secret...
Duke wants Olivia who likes
Sebastian who is really Viola
whose brother is dating
Monique so she hates Olivia
who's with Duke to make
Sebastian jealous who is really
Viola who's crushing on Duke
who thinks she's a guy...

get it?

you dont...?

then go watch "She's The Man"!! :D :D :D :D :D

2006-05-25T22:09:00.000+08:00

i just watched MTV and i think beyonce has a huge ass. BUT i think she's super hot and her curves are so distinct. awww... she's my idol!!! i like her. the way she carries herself and all. cool is the word. bye! i shall get started with my compre. bleah.

i like evanescence too. though the songs arent that new but hearing it again brings memories.. .. .. ..

"Evanescence My Immortal lyrics"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[CHORUS:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

2006-05-24T20:55:00.000+08:00

HELLOS! despite the tremendous homework load, i shall blog still. two more days and life's gotta be free of stress, stress and stress. yippie! a bit of confession, i totally detest school now. college life aint easy. yucks.

anyway, today's match was well played. considering the fact that RJ has ELEVEN national cricket players. but wells, our school did their best. second isnt that bad. haiz.. but the look of our cricket boys.. hmmm.. i hope they gotta be alright.

yup yuP!! =P wEeeEee... i cant wait to windsurf again. i wanna be tanned. i wanna feel the breeze. i cant wait to ice skate too. i just cant wait for HOLIDAYS!!

all the things you said... is running through my head... sigh..

2006-05-21T18:47:00.000+08:00

i didnt do much this weekend but i felt like i have done so much. hahah.. weird.

anyway, i am still in the kind of sleepy state since i got home from bible study. though i just woke up from beauty sleep. bleah..whatever.oopps. i had to walk so quickly home just now. cause i feel like shitting. HAHAHA.

i know i will have awful dreams tonight. seriously, because there's this weird thing about me. whenever i sleep in the late evening and sleep around 12 at night, i gotta have that kind of ehh..how should i say? dreams which i know i am dreaming but just cant wake up from it. and it ALWAYS involves dolls, falling off somewhere and there's once, this old lady who tried to kill me. thinking of it send shivers down my spine. eeekk.

another thing, the sharing session was kinda bad. boo! i chose the verse from James to share but i got like information clog or something, i was uttering rubbish. haha. but luckily, my cell group members understand eh. i gotta prepare myself well for next week.

oh oh! i signed up for metamorphosis camp. I AM SO EXCITED!! i hope..i get posted to dance but oh wells.. ushering isnt that bad. duh..i shldnt complain la. it's all service for God =D but i cant wait!!!

i hate my legs now. i think it's hairy.

2006-05-20T16:15:00.000+08:00

i have concluded that i am like so unfit. i was breathless when i did the pulling thingy. feeling so tired though it was just pedalling. ahhh... anyway, met doro,evan,xy, and jocelyn there.we really ought to keep to our regimen of going to the gym!! there's this funny thing about us, maybe just me and lindy. we eat those healthy stuff only for lunch (after our visit to the gym). after that, we return to the unhealthy. heh.. i gotta eat healthy everyday =D

i kinda look forward to the week ahead.HAHAHA. it's the last week of school!!! test-free. i will NOT procrastinate and return to my old habits. sooo.. i gotta start on my hw right after blogging. yea.. =p hehe..

steamboat clan planned an INTERESTING excursion. during our hols, we gotta go to the cemetery!! yAy yAy! that has always been one of my wish. walking in the cemetery, looking at the different tombstones. geez..i am so excited!! and i gotta fulfil another of my wish. a day at Little India. wells. i will go there myself because THEY think it's ermm..not very pleasant there. i like the food there! yum yum! so...i gotta plan my time well. not just mugging for the coming CT but have fun too =D

BYE bleah...

2006-05-17T22:07:00.000+08:00

woOOhOOOoo.. went for the rugby finals today. WE WON!! SA played a great game. RJ was a little i could say.. aggressive. but anyways, the score was 15-10. yAy yAy! PJ was there too. and i saw SOOK! i miss that girl sooo much!!i will never forget those NDP days. KFC. fun friends. late nights. and the cheering and marching part. i miss those times. seriously, i really wish i could turn back time. i miss OG29 too :(

i sort of "sprained" my thigh and now i got to paste this HUGE and smelly plaster. oh oh. i was wondering if cockroaches have eyes. i know this is kind of random but yeah.. do they??

okayss..i am super stressed now.feeling so shitty and praying for the week to end quickly. GPP so cannot make it. test after test and i am so gotta fail. shallow-minded people everywhere. i want to go back to those times when we sit in class to wait for the arrival of respective teachers for lessons and not travel everywhere for lessons. i want to run around the school and just talk to everyone(feeling so sweaty but happy inside). i want to be able to scream and shout across corridors but no one ever come up to you and say shut up. i want to...but times are different. everything has changed.

2006-05-16T19:40:00.000+08:00

i like to idle my time away. complain at the end of the day that i got no time. i hate this old habit of mine.anyway, shall make this short. chem test tomorrow and today's maths test was horrendous. i gotta do something about it man. okayys. i am so confused and lost now. gaff gaff.. i mean this world is soooo unpredictable. wells... seriously, i cant compare mine. God made me see that this is just a phase of life i need to overcome.yeah..

i cant wait for rugby finals.
i cant wait for hols so that i can windsurf again.
i cant wait to do the tons of fun fun stuff i have in mind.
OOOOooooo...i just cant wait!!

2006-05-15T19:43:00.000+08:00

arghhhh..... i dont feel like going to school tommorrow. 2 tests plus a super long day ahead. sigh.. and i got tons of stuff to do but i haven started!! okayys. on a brighter note, met up with that freak again. rattles on and on about okays. i am jealous can. but thank you for teaching me maths. :) haha. again. i dont fancy LARD! HAHAH.

woohooo... i cant wait for the holidays. i am so looking forward to devotion's gathering. i cant wait for long long hours of sleep!

duh. i gtg start on my hw. BYE BYE! :)

HAHA! Know that Jesus loves you. and i LOVE YOU TOO!! :) :) :) :) :)

2006-05-14T19:41:00.000+08:00

HOHO. it has been more than a month since i blogged. firstly, HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY to my mama. haha. it's as if she will read my blog. but anyway, i am so gotta change this template as soon as i am free. i want to be a happy person. i am and i will be :D :D :D

busy busy busy. my group's GPP was rejected and we seriously spent like so much time on it. but never mind. hmmm.

my cell group leader shared about the body of christ and how we should all function as one to glorify God's name. oh wells. love God. love thy NEIGHBOURS. and have faith. on the contrary, why are believers having troubles with one another? disputes. hatred. what's this. read this yesterday..

do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God- even as i try to please everybody in every way. for i am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.
1 corinthians 10:32-33

i believe in karma. that's all i could say. sigh...

2006-04-02T17:10:00.000+08:00

with the timetable finally out, homework is starting to pile too. i have devised a study plan but i still lack the motivation to get me started.arghh. this weekend gotta be kinda busy for me.

monday- cricket and right after; tuition
tuesday- lessons till 5.15pm. i doubt i gotta have the energy to do anything after that. seriously, i cant figure out why i am always so tired after school. even on days when it ends at 12.15pm!
wednesday- cricket
thursday- life concert. i got a feeling i gotta reach home around 9plus. but it's ok. i know that i will have fun :)
friday- yay! meeting up with suan. yaY!

2006-03-22T21:41:00.000+08:00

this week has been a rather great week for me; so far. i wake up at 6am now and i am always in a rush to wear my uniform and stuff. i can spend ages just to adjust my tie. ah. that's the trouble of having to wear one everyday. but i am alright with it. hmm. seriously, i cant imagine myself sitting in the examination hall, tie and all. i will be sweating like mad while attempting those questions plus the tie. oh no!

then comes the long bus ride to school. i have been telling gary, "oh shit. i feel like puking again." everyday. but bus versus train. i prefer bus. firstly, i take just a maximum of 30mins to get to school if i take the bus. BUT i take at least 45mins for train. secondly, there's also seats available (most of the time) for bus but never for train.so obviously, i chose bus.

class. i am so anti social for the first time. i mix with everyone OUTSIDE the class but not with my classmates. other than jasmine, i cant clink with any of those girls. they arent my type at all. arghh. i so dont like them. -_- loner. hopefully, they arent as bad as i think they are. sigh.

2006-03-17T13:54:00.000+08:00

i bought my zen neeon finally~ looked through the information booklet but i am totally lost being the usual computer idiot i am. anyway, i wasnt given a choice of colours for the 1GB. there's only light blue. i am fine with it because i got the bald cartoon boy as the skin. oOOo.. vanilla boy!

awwww.. in a few more days, it's back-to-school again. a part of me cant wait to go to school because i get to wear my uniform! but the other part screams NOOO. i know homework's gotta pile up now. i have to face the stress of everything. sigh.. i always thought that life would go my way as long as i try. i dont think so now.

if i can ask God just one question, i would ask Him why arent you here with me now?

2006-03-14T18:06:00.000+08:00

been some time since i last blogged. seriously, i aint in the mood to blog but still, i will. i got a feeling this holidays gotta fly by fast. yet, i am not spending my time wisely. i am down with a flu and a sore throat. so, i regard that as an excuse for my laziness. hmmm. i will do the cleaning tonight or something.

anyway, GB camp is darn fun. seeing girls scream at the sight of the mealworms is kinda sadistic but it makes me wanna laugh. haha. oOoO. my wriggly friends are still at my house, anyone care to adopt them? i was in charge of SQ6 and they super fun peeps. :D

anyway, daddy is gotta buy me my long-awaited zen neeon. i am so excited. i cant help thinking about those songs i gotta put in it. yaY. wont have to borrow gary's mp3 on the way to school. i want to buy countless stuff. but i need the money!! and i've already spent half of my allowance on the flesh imp tee. but it's cool. no regrets. and i need a flubberball or whatever it's called. it's gotta be my pal for 2years cause i got a feeling that i wont have any good friends in my present class. hopefully, i wont get lousy teachers too. hmmm. cca stuff. should i choose touch rugby or cricket? touch rugby? cricket? cricket? touch rugby?

Devotion is having a gathering this friday. please God, dont make it as boring as yesterday's outing. minus those arguments too. i painted my nails green and baby blue. i like it. lalala. bye.

2006-03-07T20:03:00.000+08:00

i feel so empty inside. i am seriously living life like day to day. i wonder why i just kind of lost the enthusiasm for school and for each and everyday. sigh. pj's great. but my heart isnt there. sigh. i am glad that at least i got posted to a cool house. OWENS. my OG is really happening too. we screamed, yelled and cheered our lungs out even on the first day! hopefully, i spend a week in pjc only. oh shucks. i just completely lost all the inspiration to write. i shall cont tomorrow.

2006-03-04T09:16:00.000+08:00

i've been feeling so moody these days. flaring up easily and getting pissed at the slightest thing. duh. i don't know. whatever. appealed to sajc yesterday. and apparently, chances arent high. those who appealed too have an agg score of around 13? morever, i wasnt even there for the first two months. sigh. i've to attend pj's orientation for the first week still. hopefully, it isnt boring. this world is so unfair. i am just plain unlucky.

2006-03-04T09:11:00.000+08:00

Ninety miles outside Chicago
Can’t stop driving I don’t know why
My question....Need an answer
Two years later you're still on my mind

Whatever happened to Amelia Airheart?
Who hold the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?

Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Oh, Someday we’ll know
If love can move mountains
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
What the wind says when she cries?
I’m speeding by the place that I met you
For the ninety-seventh time...Tonight

Someday we’ll know
If love can move mountains
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Someday we’ll know
Why Sampson loved Dalilah?
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you....

Open up the world

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
Watched the stars crash in the sea
If I can ask God just one question
Why aren’t you here with me tonight?

Oh, Someday we’ll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Someday we’ll know
Why Sampson loved Dalilah
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you....

2006-02-26T21:09:00.000+08:00

:( i fell in the bathroom just now. it was really darn painful. when my mother asked if i fell, i just cried. my left wrist has abrasion now too. boo. when i was bathing, i thought of how unlucky i always am and cried again. i seem to be living behind the walls of poignancy or perhaps i am just a sad girl like what my friend call me :( once i saw this poster on depression in my sch's washroom. it says that if one is suffering from 5 or more symptoms mentioned at the bottom of the poster, the person is likely to be suffering from depression. i did a check and found out that i am suffering from 6 symptoms in total. haha. sad girl. maybe that's how my world is painted. colourless. dull. dead. with no purpose.

2006-02-25T08:56:00.000+08:00

yippie. it's saturday.phew. i love the weekends cause jc's life is real hectic and the long lectures dont really allow us to take a breather. breaks at 12.30pm usually, and i can always hear my stomach growling away by then. hmmm. it's four days to the 3rd of march. luo lao shi said there's still school on friday. duh. i dont plan to go to school on that day. im feeling so nervous. chances are like _____ but i do still keep the glimpse of hope within sight.

i am determined to complete my chem and maths tutorial today. yeah. this will be my boring day ahead. after breakfast, read the papers. after which, CHEM!! i love chem and it is the only subject which i attempt the tutorials so consistently. in the afternoon, hopefully, i can meet up mith lindy. we got lotsa catching up to do :)

i do often have reminiscence of how 4D used to be. how we were so united despite whatever. it was the during the period of sec4 that brought us so close together. i doubt i can ever find another class that's as good as that. it's only when i graduated that i found out that the thing that 4D stood different from other classes is that we were never involve in those 'politics' and smearing reputations of others. it isnt that we cant be bothered with those stuff and dig our heads into books only, i think it is the common respect we have for different individuals. sigh. i miss 4D......

2006-02-21T21:07:00.000+08:00

oOOo. for the whole of the past hour, i've been contemplating on how to make those white lies sound real. haha. i cant tell my parents that i am going to school for whatever. i go to school at 7.05am usually but i gotta have to leave an hour before if i am crashing. ahhhh. shit. i will convince them that it's just for a day. seriously i am not in the mood to go to yj. -_-

oh. i watched the show "49days". duh. not scary at all. chicKEN. haha. that's because half the time, my eyes are behind the box of popcorn. haha. and i actually CRIED during a supposedly scary show. haha. yeah. it's real touching to see how that guy broke down when he found out that his wife was like him; a ghost. cool.

sigh. i cant figure out the minds of human beings. when an impression is instilled in us, we view the person in that perspective. i really wish time can freeze. wishes come true. my friends used to tell me that for every eyelash i drop, i get to make a wish. i prayed, i made the same wish over and over again. did it come true? no. i know now. it's time to let go. cause i am not given a chance to explain. to even have the right to express myself. what more, just to pour out my ups and down like before. :(

2006-02-20T21:31:00.000+08:00

hellos. it's another 8days to the 3rd of march. i am anticipating that day so much :) i pray for the best but hope for the worst. cant wait for tomorrow too. wee!though i dread school, the thought of meeting yee makes me :) should i watch the show "49days"? i weight the consequences of whether to watch it. because i know i will have a hard time surviving the night for weeks if i watch it. BUT i know if i dont watch it, i gotta blame myself for missing a chance to be frightened. hmmm. this is hard.

When i reach to touch your hands,
i cant feel you anymore.
Tonight you seem like a million miles away from me.
This distance has maimed my life;
and i dont know how to ease the pain i'm going through.
I'm praying for the strength to stand today.
And i wish you could just talk to me
Even if it's just to say... good bye.

2006-02-18T21:51:00.000+08:00

dont really have much to write about. life's like that. b.o.r.i.n.g
but oh wells, i shall blog for the sake of blogging. okays. i cant wait for 10pm to come. there's this show call, 'kate and leopold' i hope i spelt the name correctly. yee told me to watch it.

sigh. my life's h.o.r.r.i.b.l.e
i am so afraid but i want the 3rd of march to come badly. *pray* but whatever it is, i should look at life in another perspective.i know i shouldnt dwell on the past. but it is as if i dont want to move on. i am praying for the strength to stand today, tommorrow and forever. larry said i am probably just unlucky during this period of time. yeah. thought so too. i was never lucky. :(

2006-02-15T22:03:00.000+08:00

i am dead beat. i shall make this short so that i can have my beauty sleep and hopefully, beautiful dreams and not monsterous creatures again. okays. let me recap my busy day...

once again, i pon lessons again. GP. LoL. and i rushed home then made my way to town. yee suddenly told me she cant leave the house. haha. so i went out with juan and lindy. we shopped from orchard to dhoby gaut. frantic shopping spree with an aim to buy that OH-MINE-GOSH so beautiful mango tee. eh. correction. i am the one shopping and going gaga over every little thing. juan and lindy were sort of tagging along. LoL. girlfriends are just so awesome. they dont whine nor complain even if it's shopping from day to the night.anyway, i love that shirt to pieces. i gotta buy another mango tee next week.lalala. shopping gives me that sense of satisfaction. no. i should say buying the things i love give me a sense of satisfaction.

i gotta save, save and save then buy those stuff. let me see.. that roxy jacket 99bucks. zen nano 179bucks. roxy skirt 79bucks. woah woah. i cant wait to lay my hands on them!

oh food republic's food is HORRIBLE. i vommited out my lunch cause of the stupid spice in the rice. it tasted like smelly shoes.urine as topping. shit as seasonings. hahaha. and that plate cause me 8.50. and lindy ate the balls of the squid!! HAHAHA! just joking!
i wanna laugh. i like laughing. and i am not a sad girl. TO BEN QUACK!

2006-02-14T17:06:00.000+08:00

i pon school yesterday. LoL. went out with tam & ghis and they tricked me into watching the show, casanova. it is quite a nice show except for the fact that there's lots of venice's history and stuff in it. yeah. that's how the word 'casanova' comes from. this guy who has such amorous charms and how he finally fall in love and believing in it. i want to go to venice some day!

anyway, it's valentines' day today! can you feel the love in the air~ LoL. met up with lindy for a short while after school. pon PE again. LoL. and we were surveying the public when we sat at the station. she was like, 'see see! that girl got sucha big teddy!' :( we are such lonely people.

anyway, i am in the mood to do my chem homework! i like this feeling. it rarely comes. oh. i am praying daily that my appeal will be granted. sigh. not gotta pin my hopes too high though. if i do, and if i cant get into sajc, i would probably faint and die from depression.

sometimes i wish i can just die without going through any pain. faint,collapse and die :) that would ease me from all the sadness and anxiety.i dont know what i am living for anyway.sigh... :( :( :(

2006-02-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

i open the musical box.
the one with the beautiful ballerina.
the one with its music so enchanting.
it sings to me of my only hope.
a shattered one perhaps.

i walked the paths we once shared.
those happy memories that i've kept.
i know now.
those plans you had for me are gone.
with the wind.

i want to lift my head now.
to see the world which is beautifully painted.
i want to.
but it seems so hard now.
:( :( :(

2006-02-11T23:00:00.000+08:00

haiz.my results are the biggest letdown ever. it didnt turn out as expected. gotta appeal to sajc still but IF tables are turn and the worst happen again(hopefully not), i gotta choose pjc probably. sigh. i dont wanna stay on in yjc. though seriously speaking, the teachers are great but... you know i just dont like it there. oh wells. pray i guess.

anyway, i place my bet that if jocelyn didnt get a single digit, i gotta shave my hair off. and phew. jocelyn did. hahaha. teehao too. he saved my right eyebrow. :D i need to shave my left eyebrow cos i place my bet on gary too. but 10 is great too :)dunid to right?

anyway, God has His reasons for everything i guess. cant deny that i am super down but what can i do.i've lost the courage to carry on but i will pick myself up. :)

i told wanyee that i have been imagining potato talking to me, asking me to persevere on. i think potato is my source of encouragement. haha. i am nuts i know.but i love him so much.

i miss jac too. hope she's doing well.you go girl.

2006-02-09T22:48:00.000+08:00

why? why? why? i am so mad with myself. i cant stand it now. *pulls my hair*
why is it so hard for people to understand you. why must people have the THAT impression. you try to be nice and you're mistaken for what. i have no idea. why must it be always me. why cant he understand me for once.only once. i feel like biting and tearing my flesh apart to make him understand. just once.

2006-02-07T17:26:00.000+08:00

how does it feel when you've lost ur only hope?
how does it feel to see the world painted only with black and white?
how does it feel when you can only hope but it can never come true?

i know how these feel like.

2006-02-03T20:26:00.000+08:00

sigh. i got this mentality that there is always time for everything.i HAVE to read my chemistry later or i gotta be far far behind.
went to PS with suan.yee.juan.weiliang and aaron to watch "i not stupid 2" AGAIN. and we waited till the end of the show when the credits are rolling and we saw PRESBYTERIAN HIGH SCHOOL! YaY!
anyway, there's this rumour about the getting back of results on the 10th. hopefully. there's this glimpse of hope i can look forward to. i want to go to sajc and no where else.
had jogathon today and some unfortunate things happened. the banana milk i drank this morning took its effect. i had to be accompanied to the hawker centre's toilet with a teacher to shit, during the run and i got FIRST still!
from the back.

do you remember the times we had?
i do..

2006-01-29T23:03:00.000+08:00

this is true.
his reflections arent staring back at me.
i am imagining. i am not awake.
he is my virtual hero. and will always live in the past.

this is true and it's gotta be true.
my world's crashing and it aint gotta be much better.
i cant pretend that i am not hurt
but there's nothing i can do.

this is true.
reality sinks in deep.
it burns my bare skin and i dont wanna face it.
those memories are distorted but reality speaks.

this is true and it will always be true.

2006-01-09T17:31:00.000+08:00

bleah. i am so glad that tomorrow is HARI RAYA HAJI! the thought of having a break from school seems to brighten up my day! college life isnt as easy as i thought it would be. lectures are fun but it isnt like secondary schools'. for a thing, you cant or wouldnt want to ask a question in front of everyone in the auditorium. without textbooks make me feel funny too.

my class is really great. i like my classmates. at least there are girlfriends in whom i can hang up with. unlike the previous group. though the people in my OG were a bunch of crazy people.generally, they are awesome too. but P15 rocks. BUT SAjc gotta be much better with even better friends. i just know it. :)

2006-01-05T18:15:00.000+08:00

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

2005-10-02T20:07:00.000+08:00

it suddenly dawned on me that this world is an unfair and awful place to live in. i would do anything to hasten my life, bring it to an end BUT not in sense of commiting sucide and stuff.that i consider a stupid move.

firstly, gotta admit my life sucks big time. why must i be tolerant of people throwing tantrum like a kid? get a life. it affects my mood too. why is everyone pmsing out there? to spoil people's mood..? well i wonder.
getting all act up because of a tiny matter like not understanding your simple instruction(according to YOUR context) is dumb. completely senseless. i completely loathe the type of people who gets so agitated for such little matter.hey.come on. how on earth do i know your definition of a SPOONFUL? threatening to give away that innocent bunny is worst. i admit that i haven been doing my part. it's not like i dont want to manx. i clean his little cage and you said i am being wasteful by clearing all his sawdust. heaven knows what you want. and i am determined to give the little bunny his well-deserved time out of his cage when YOU are out of the house. i AM DETERMINED. i hate to say i was irresponsible in the past. neglecting it. but i will change! i gotta make little bunny's the happiest one possible.

thanks. my anger is gone.

2005-09-21T19:11:00.000+08:00

it has been more than two months since i blog. it's the last day of my prelims today. i must say i am living the life of a zombie now. deeply demoralised by physics paper today. i have no idea where i am heading in life now. it's hard to make a choice when months ago (or maybe since i was sec ONE!!), i had already wanted so badly, so much to enter SAjc. miracles happen, hopefully.

sobs.. the paper was so tough! and needless to say, mr tan gave the same reply, "no.i don't call this hard." okayys. i am not up to standard duh. sigh.. crying my eyes out wont help, let God decides.

the weeks of preparation really tear me down. gotta be recuperating this week. the thought of enjoying this weekend is dashed. how am i going to with the fear of my results now?? sobs sobs..

but nevertheless, i shall give myself a break from those horrifying textbooks!! hopefully, the rest of the subjects wiill bring up my result.

2005-07-15T17:39:00.000+08:00

i feel so alert after the listening! cool. and i was freaked out by the lightning yesterday. i was like dozing off while doing my physcis homework when it went "brANnnnGGG..." my eyes were practically popping out and was all alert afterwards.

ANYWAY, listening was rather okayy. i did dig my ears though. drank chicken's essence. :) it cant be as bad as chinese oral. the old man went "muahahahaha.." at my every statement. okayy. very funny. english's oral (for prelims) was alright. except for this word which i think i pronounced it correctly.. "WRY"
oh.oh. mr white's irritating!!

sigh.. group study makes me so zonk out everyday. i sleep at 9pm almost every night. burhh.. wakes up at 3am to study. that's my busy sec four life. you see.. being the not-very-efficient-me, i needa take extra time to complete my assignments.

plus..funfair's round the corner. preparations after preparations. busy busy.no complains. everyone is. :)

i am determined to enter Sajc. i want to. i need to. i MUST!! and i will trY!!
smiles. *stress*